Day 1- A New Purpose

I had this great idea to start recreating my daily schedule in the month of September. One of the biggest habits I want to change is not sleeping in until I absolutely have to get up. I love being productive in the mornings and having a slow quiet start to my days. I want to start and end my days with God’s word. I want to spend intentional time in prayer and meditation on who my great God is, but I find that when I sleep in, it sets a tone of laziness and unproductivity for my day. This habit has characterized my life for so long and has been something I have hated about my lifestyle, and I have always wanted to change it. So, I got it in my mind that this month I would wake up each day at 4:50 am, memorize scripture, workout and listen to a podcast or scripture, shower, eat, read God’s word and pray into each day. These are obviously extreme and drastic changes to my daily structure, but I do not want my life to be characterized by laziness and undisciplined negative structure. 

I have attempted this sort of lifestyle change before but have given up and failed each time. I have not had accountability, self-discipline, or motivation to follow through, so I always fall back into my bad habits. Ultimately, why it never works is because I was striving on my own strength with the wrong heart motivation which dwindles very quickly. I wanted to appear more put together. I wanted to have a life of productivity to be happy and successful. I wanted to boast in my abilities and disciplines so that others would envy my life and attempt to emulate it for themselves and come to me for help and guidance. All of these are selfish and worthless and obviously were not good enough to motivate me to keep going. Man-pleasing is just a fast track to destruction and discouragement. You will never be perfect, and to make it seem like you are perfect, you are forced to create a façade that is appealing for others and draws attention to yourself but is built on inauthenticity. Perfection is something we all desire but will never achieve. For many years I wasted time focused on what other people thought of me. I spent time, money, and emotional energy to try and improve myself and make me look and act just a little bit better so that I would be accepted and loved by the world. This is still something I battle almost on a daily basis, but I know that man-pleasing will never bring freedom, joy, and peace in my life; it will only keep me bound in the world’s shackles of unattainable perfectionism and comparison. 

So, to begin this journey, I am starting with the Lord. My relationship with God is priority. This is for Him. My life is His, and I want to devote more time to studying His word and cultivating a life and community to represent Him and the work He is doing in my life as I am in the middle of my sanctifying walk with my Savior. Today, this morning, was going to be the first day of this journal series, but when I woke up and walked to the living room to turn off my alarm, my weak flesh got the best of me. For the past week, I have created a bad habit of turning off my 5 a.m. alarm and walking straight back to bed, so I need to correct my muscle memory and redirect to something else when I wake up. This morning, my desire for sleep took priority over spending time with the King of the universe. I am saddened that my flesh often wins, but I will not let this keep me from trying, through God’s strength, to build healthy habits in my life and priorities that align with scripture. Tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities to serve and worship my Savior. 

“What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” James 4:14-15